so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I enjoy the company of your penis
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
