YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Pants are for mortals
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
