i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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