Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize