He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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