i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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