idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
