even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Go christen that room with your naked body.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
