Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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