Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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