Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
