i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
