so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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