tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
