im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
