I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
