WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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