Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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