make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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