I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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