Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
