Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
