Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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