we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
