there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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