Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
