"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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