I smell stomach acid.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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