I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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