Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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