i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just invented taco cereal.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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