Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
