Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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