Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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