somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
