just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
