my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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