drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
