I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize