My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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