I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
