my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
