when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
