you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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