do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
