Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
