Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
