you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
