I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
