I CAN MOONWALK!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
