ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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