Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is my gift to your gina
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
