I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i'm inner monologue high
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
