It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
