I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sext me about skeletons
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize