someone threw a dead crab at me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
