I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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