Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
