Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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