Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
