Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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