sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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