dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
